Archive for November, 2011

To Be or Not to Be…Monogamous

Friday, November 4th, 2011

Over the past year or so, I have been seriously looking at the idea that perhaps monogamy is not our natural state. In my life, I have rarely been monogamous, even when I had consciously intended to be. And it seems that the world is filled with such stories. Why are the infidelity rates so high? Is it because we are a people with very little integrity, or perhaps because trying to force ourselves into a monogamous mold is against our true nature?

In the animal kingdom, it seems that monogamy is a very rare thing. For example, scientists long touted the heartwarming fidelity of birds, until DNA testing became available. Now we know, if the eggs in most birds’ nests are tested for genetics, guess what? Several different fathers.

So, what would make us think that we are so different in this way from all the animal species out there? Where did this idea come from? It’s only been in recent centuries that the idea of a monogamous marriage, for example, came into vogue. Marriage came about, by the way, as a way to legalize inheritance of property. The first male would become the legal heir after the father’s death. But even then, it was generally accepted that the husband and wife would be allowed to discreetly have other partners. These days, we all know that the only generally accepted option is that the two be completely monogamous. In fact, most of our religions tell us that is the only “holy” way.

But did God really intend for us to be monogamous? Or, are we here to love more than one? Is our love really that limited, that there is only enough for one other? Do we say the same about our friendships- ‘oh, I already have a friend, I can’t have another’? Well, I propose that it is equally preposterous to suggest that we can only have one loving partner.

What I’m suggesting is that we really look at where this idea of monogamy came from, did it really come from Source, or did it, as many of the concepts in religion, come from man? Don’t forget, man has ego (read: agenda), Source doesn’t.

I’m not saying that it would be easy to change the whole paradigm. I know there is such thing as jealousy. I know there are complications in a polyamorous lifestyle. And I don’t think, as a friend recently suggested, that polyamory (loving more than one) is the easy way out. On the contrary, actually. I think it takes an enormous amount of maturity, spiritual enlightenment, and communication to pull it off. And I would put polyamory in the same category as a lot of other things that take some effort to achieve- challenging, but with so many benefits.

What do you think? Do you think there could be some validity in this way of thinking? How has monogamy or polyamory been working for you?

Posted in Relationships | 10 Comments »

Animal Totems

Friday, November 4th, 2011

Around the beginning of this year, I was lying in bed one night and experienced a very unsettled feeling. It was hard for me at first to put words to it. Then all of a sudden, I got an image of myself as a snake about to shed its skin.

That image was no accident. Several months later, after shedding a number of things in my life-including jobs and relationships- I learned from my Spirit Guides that the snake is my animal totem right now. For those of you who may not know, an animal totem is an essence that walks through life with us, teaching, guiding, and sometimes protecting us. We all have them. They can change throughout our lives, depending on what is going on with us.

How would someone know what their animal totem is? Well, it could come to you in a number of ways. Perhaps you have been having dreams of a particular animal recently. Or, you could be experiencing it through an image that comes to you, as I did. Or, maybe you have had one or more unusual encounters with a particular animal. For example, once I had a boyfriend who was standing at my sliding screen door in my kitchen, and a hummingbird literally came up to his nose on the other side of the screen and hovered there for a moment. That’s what I’d call an unusual encounter with an animal.

These could all be clues as to what your animal totem is at any given time. Or, if you’d like to know what yours is, you could just meditate and then ask the question ‘what is my animal totem?’ and see what comes to you.

The snake, in my case, is a powerful totem of wisdom, healing, and initiation. It can indicate that ones creative forces are awakening. It is the totem or essence of wholeness, new opportunities and changes. And I certainly have had plenty of all of the above so far this year.

Interestingly, the snake is also a symbol of female sexuality. Remember the serpent in the Garden of Eden? Have you ever seen a pair of snakes mating? Maybe you have seen it in person, or you can look up footage of it online. Their bodies intertwine in a slow dance of sensuality. Makes me think of Synergistic Energy Exchange, actually, which is two or more people (snakes?) working together cooperatively to create an exchange of energy.

It all makes sense that 2011 would be the year of my having a snake as my animal totem, the year that I launch my new website here, SynEXlove.com. I wonder what my next animal totem will be?

Posted in Spirituality | 2 Comments »

What’s the Message We’re Sending?

Friday, November 4th, 2011

This summer our family welcomed the arrival of an exchange student from Spain. She is sixteen years old and, I imagine, typical in her manner of dress for teens in her country. When she unpacked her suitcase, I realized she was going to basically have to buy a new wardrobe in order to follow the dress code of our small-town American high school.

For instance, most of her shirts were tank tops with spaghetti straps, and most of her shorts, skirts, and dresses barely covered her private parts. I’m not judging her. I’m just stating the facts.

I informed her of the dress code at our high school, which calls for at least three inches of fabric going across the shoulders and short/skirt lengths no more than five inches above the knee. Her simple question, “why?” brought up some wondering for me. After blurting out the truth that came to my mind: “because we’re sexually repressed here in America”, I began to think more about the whole issue.

Why DO we send messages to our teens that their sexuality is not okay, through things such as strict public school dress codes? What negative impact is this having on the ways they think about and experience their bodies and their sexuality? Does this type of policy contribute to the shame that many adult Americans feel about their bodies and their sexuality, not to mention the rampant sexual dysfunction?

I realize some of the arguments might be: Well, it will be too distracting to the students if others are flaunting their sexuality at school. They won’t be able to concentrate on their studies. This policy is teaching them good values.

To all of this I say, well it’s true, perhaps some students will find that distracting. But at what cost are we to avoid distractions of this nature? And, what is wrong with letting nature take its course? Aren’t the teenage years the years of budding sexuality? Isn’t learning about their sexuality an important part of a teen’s growth experience, too? Is it really the job of our schools to teach our children “good values”? And, who’s to say what “good values” are?

What do you think? Do you have children in school? What are their dress code policies? What impact do you think they are having, positive or negative, on your kids?

Posted in Miscellaneous | 2 Comments »