Archive for February, 2012

God is Pro-Sex

Tuesday, February 28th, 2012

I have been wondering, what is my exact purpose?  What is the essence of my message to the world?  If I had to boil it all down to one phrase, what would it be?  And I keep coming back to the same thing: God is Pro-Sex.  It’s that simple.

In ancient times, most of the world’s spiritual practices connected spirituality and sexuality.  As our spirit guides stated just the other day in channeling: “your sexuality IS your spirituality.”

Today, most spiritual disciplines tell us that the way to become enlightened is through controlling or denying the senses and lower states of consciousness.  Does it make sense to you that the way to achieve personal and spiritual liberation is through constricting a part of your being?  It doesn’t to me.

So, how did we get here?  Several thousand years ago, there was a split that occurred between sexuality and spirituality.  What motivated that split?  Well, the explanation that I have been taught goes like this: It started with Christianity.  Under the rule of the Emperor Constantine, it was noted that the coffers were too empty.  Apparently he thought that the people were not working enough and therefore not paying enough taxes. They were spending too much time having sex!  So her ordered his scribes to rewrite the Bible, and to reflect the idea that sex was sinful and bad and that one could even go to hell for engaging in certain types of sex.

This explanation certainly sounds plausible to me. As Abraham says, all religion and politics are motivated by money.  (For more information about Abraham, see my post titled The Energy Stream from last week.)  Abraham does not say this with judgment, and neither do I, but rather of evidence of the strength of our desire as human beings to thrive.

Regardless of how or why the split occurred, it did occur.  Sex, which was once considered sacred, is now in many cases considered sinful.  The pendulum has swung.

But now, we are in what is known in non-physical existence as the New Era.  There is a massive shift happening on the planet.  And part of that shift involves the re-joining of sexuality and spirituality.  No more shame, no more secrets, no more embarrassment about sex in the New Era:  I invite you to bring your sex back into the light.

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The Energy Stream

Friday, February 24th, 2012

Recently I developed a new technique for those moments when I am  having any type of negative thought.  I made reference to it the other day in a blog.  It’s very simple.  I simply imagine a sea of compassion and unconditional love floating toward me, and then I receive it when it arrives.

It felt very easy for me to do, right from the first time I did it.  I would even say I was  naturally masterful at it.

So the other day I was doing it, basking in the warm glow of the love and compassion I was receiving and I had a thought: maybe I am not really creating this sea in my imagination.  Maybe this is what Abraham is referring to as the Energy Stream.  (Abraham, for those who don’t know is an entity that speaks through a woman named Esther Hicks from San Antonio, Texas.  You could just google it and see some Utube videos of Abraham if you are interested.)

I get these daily Abraham-Hicks emails with quotes from channeling sessions, and it seems Abraham has been mentioning the Energy Stream a lot lately.  The idea is that when we are connected to it, manifestation becomes easier because we are matching the vibration of what we want to create.

Back to my thought the other day…maybe I am simply, when I do my imagining connecting to the Energy Stream.  Maybe instead of creating it, I am simply allowing myself to feel it.  Maybe it is already there all the time.  It’s just a matter of connecting.

And, if that is so (and I’m guessing it is), how many other things could I make so much easier in my life simply by allowing rather than efforting to create?

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Cycles in Relationships

Wednesday, February 22nd, 2012

All of life is based on cycles.  If you really think about it, it’s true.  The days and nights, the growth cycle of plants, the seasons, the tides, a woman’s menstrual cycle.  Women in general seem to be more in tune with the cycles of life.  They tend to go with the flow, and bring themselves into harmony with what is more easily than men.  No judgment here.  Just stating what is.  And as always, I’m talking in general.  Of course there are exceptions to every rule.

So how come, if this is true about cycles, that all of life is based on them, we seem to have so much trouble accepting that in relationships things are no different? In other words, how come we expect it to be all up and no down?  All togetherness and no separateness?  All positive and no negative?  We want our relationships to defy the order of the universe?  No wonder so many of them are not working!

In particular I want to focus on the issue of togetherness/separateness.  Some of us tend to think that the ideal relationship entails both parties spending nearly every waking moment together.  There are a number of problems with this, the most basic of which is it goes against the true nature of life.  True, we all do have an innate urge to merge, and I don’t just mean physically.  Yes, we want to be close physically, to make love, to cuddle, and we also want to be close emotionally.  But let’s not ignore the urge to separate.  Many of us do, and that creates problems down the road.  Sometimes we will even go to extreme unconscious measures just to get a little time and space away from our partners.  Many a fight has been picked in order to achieve the unconscious goal of separation.

However, if we do consciously recognize that separation is one of our needs just as much as togetherness, we can avoid these and other problems.  We can consciously choose to create it in our lives so we don’t need to choose it unconsciously, or by default.

So here’s an example of what consciously choosing separation looks like.  Let’s say it is Saturday morning.  You sleep in with your partner, wake up, make love, take showers, and have a leisurely breakfast.  That’s a lot of togetherness in one bunch.  Now might be a good time for you to reconnect with yourself.  Love can make us feel high and ungrounded at times.  Ground yourself by meditating, writing in a journal, or doing some exercise on your own.  Take some time for you. After that, maybe you have some errands to do on your own or you want to visit a friend.  Later on in the day you may want to reconnect with your partner.

Having taken some time for yourself will have benefitted both you and the relationship in a number of ways.   First, you had an opportunity to ground yourself.  From this place, you are better able to do just about anything.  Second, you had an opportunity to have experiences without your partner.  This makes for better conversation later on.  If you both know every single thing that ever happens in your lives because you spend every moment of them in togetherness, what is there to talk about?  You’ll end up like those couples that sit at a restaurant together not saying a word to each other. There is nothing left to say.  Third, you had an opportunity to miss your partner.  It’s easier to appreciate being with your partner if you also create the experience of being without your partner.  And let’s not forget the benefits of connecting with yourself.  You tune into your own essence.  Who you are, what you want, what you like.  After too much togetherness you can start to lose yourself.  Then, what do you really have to offer your partner except a mirror image?

Once you reunite with your partner, you can create another experience of closeness.  And then the whole cycle starts all over again.  Don’t be afraid if your partner desires some time alone.  And don’t hesitate to take some time when you need it.  We all need time alone and time with others, including our partners.  It is not a sign that something is wrong, but rather a sign that we are following our natural rhythms.  It is not going to harm your relationship, but strengthen it.

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Sympathy Sex

Friday, February 17th, 2012

Many of us are, unfortunately, familiar with it, especially if we’ve been married.  Sympathy sex, as it’s called, is the sex that we have out of a feeling of obligation to our partners.  We have sympathy for their desire to have sex, even when we don’t want to, so we give in.

It’s also sometimes called “taking one for team”.  I don’t recommend it, both for the sake of your personal well being and the well being of your relationship.

Some of you may be aware that in the “old days” men literally bought women on auction. What most people don’t know is that the practice of the woman taking the man’s name in our society actually stems from that tradition. The change in the last name indicated ownership.  As part of that ownership, there were certain rights afforded the man.  One of those was the right to have sex with his wife.

Even though that tradition of owning a woman is no longer in practice, many of us continue to behave as if it were.  We feel that being married, or even in a committed relationship, brings with it a sexual obligation. It can go both ways.  I have used the example of the woman being obligated to have sex with the man, but in some cases it’s the man who feels obligated.

The truth is, there is no rule book in the sky that says if you are in a relationship or a marriage you have a sexual obligation of any kind. God(dess) did not say it either.   Marriage and all relationships are what we choose to make them.  Many times the feeling of sexual obligation is what we as a society have chosen.

But what happens with things that are seen as obligations?  We naturally don’t want to do them, right?  I remember when I was trying to get pregnant.  My partner and I had scientifically determined that the best chances of my becoming pregnant would come from us having sex every forty-eight hours. So, like clockwork, we had sex every forty-eight hours. I do remember after the first time or two of this type of sex, I had no desire to have it.  And believe me when I tell you, that is unlike me! (Thank Goddess, I was very fertile, and it didn’t take long for me to get pregnant!)

What I’m getting at here is that when we feel obligated to do anything, it can start to feel like a chore rather than a pleasure.  So perhaps we may want to un-bind our partners and ourselves from obligatory sex and get back to sex being how it was meant to be- a beautiful gift to be shared when we are both inspired to do that.

If one or both partners doesn’t want to have sex, I recommend that they tell each other where they are at rather than force themselves to do it when they don’t want to.  A simple “I’m not feeling connected right now” will do.  It doesn’t have to be a big deal. That will make it more likely that the person will want to have sex, will have a genuine desire to have sex, in the near future.

If this becomes a chronic issue, like if you haven’t had sex for months, this may be a time to seek help from a therapist or life coach.  Perhaps there are some underlying issues getting in the way. Certainly, though, realizing that providing sex for your partner, or vice versa, is not part of an unwritten obligation, is a very good place to start in any healthy sexual relationship.

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Texting Love

Tuesday, February 14th, 2012

Lately I have been working on loving myself at a deeper level.  I have been learning to love myself for like ten years, but now I am really digging my self-loathing out by the roots. Yes, we all have it, or some degree of it inside ourselves, even if we had a “good childhood”, even if our parents did a “good job”, it doesn’t take much for us as infants and toddlers to get the idea that there is somehow something wrong with us, or that we are not good enough.

By the way, when I say “learning”, what I really mean is remembering Who I Really Am.  I am made in the spitting image of God(dess).  I am God(dess), and so are you.  We all already love ourselves more than we can imagine.  It’s just that when we came here, we forgot. We forgot a lot of things, but it’s all by design.

My newest round of remembering involves noticing each time I start to blame myself for something, or each time I have one of those self-deprecating thoughts, I bathe myself in a sea of absolute compassion and love.  I feel it surrounding me, supporting me and holding me up like a hammock.

One of the things I often tell my clients is that others are our mirror.  So when people come in and complain that their loved ones treat them like crap, I ask them to look at how they are treating themselves.  I hold myself to the same standards.

I’ve been having this texting conversation with my daughter.  She wants me to take her and her friend shopping on Friday night.  At first I said my automatic “sure, honey”.  Then I texted again, and told her I’ve had this sinus infection and didn’t know if I’d be feeling up to it.  Notice the theme here, of loving myself.  The remembering I’ve been doing was helping me to remember to take care of myself first, and then see what I have left over to give to others.  That is true love, for myself and, believe it or not, for her as well.

Okay, now here’s the big moment: rather than pressure me to do it anyway, regardless of how I feel, she said, “ok thanks”.  And when she texted me last night to see what the outlook was, and I was still non-committal, she told me she may be going with her friend’s mom instead because they really have to go shopping.   And she sounded just a bit apologetic about it, about leaving me on Friday night.  BUT, she was still doing what she wanted to do, still putting herself first, which I applaud.  In one, she was being both my mirror and she was showing that she’d learned from me.  I was treating myself more lovingly, and she was treating me more lovingly, and she was showing what she’d learned.

And then came the moment when I realized texting is not so bad.  Some in my generation, including me, have had a big resistance to texting.  She has this new nickname for me, honey comb.  It’s like a joke in our house; she thinks it’s funny that I call her “honey” instead of her real name.  So now she calls me honey, and she one-upped me.  I felt her love coming through the text.  She said “Okay, honey comb, feel better.  You are my favorite person ♥.”  And I told her that the feeling was mutual.

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Today I Wept…

Friday, February 10th, 2012

I have been reading the book Home with God by Neale Donald Walsch.  (Sorry,  Neale, the last time I wrote about you I totally hacked your name, but I figure a man like you will probably forgive.)  It’s the last in his Conversations with God series, in which he literally prints word for word his conversations with Source.

So I got to the part about how we ourselves create everything in our lives.  I know this sounds hard to believe for some. There is really no man with a long white beard in the sky pulling our puppet strings.  We have free will. We can co-create with non-physical, but we are the ones who choose.  I don’t mean consciously, in most cases, but we do choose it all.

The real question at some point became for me, not how can God allow all these “bad” things to go on in the world, how, or why, do we choose for all these “bad things” to occur? And in the book, God started talking about how we even choose the times and places and circumstances of our deaths.  And that all the deaths we even know about, we have co-created those too, for our highest good.  This of course all being my interpretation of what Neale said that God said in the book- which I highly recommend you read and see for yourself.

Okay, here’s a really radical idea.  So even when people have what many would call tragic circumstances in their lives, like having a stillborn baby, it was chosen.  It was chosen by the parents, and it was chosen by the soul of the baby that died.  For some reason that we may not ever know or understand until we die and see every event of our lives clearly for what it was, for its higher purpose.

I started thinking about my cousin, whose wife gave birth to a stillborn baby, and how the soul of that baby had acted as an angel, bestowing a gift to that couple, that they didn’t even consciously know they wanted.  And I wonder how all three of their souls have grown from that experience.  Just thinking about that makes me cry all over again.

I cried over the beauty  of it all.   I cried over the incredible poignancy of life.  I cried over the bitterness and the joy, all wrapped into one.  And in my tears there was both pain and ecstasy.

We all have to figure these big questions out for ourselves.  This is how I’m coming to terms with Life these days.  How about you?

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Choosing “The Path Less Traveled”

Tuesday, February 7th, 2012

Last week I blogged about whether you might be a “polymamorist”.  Others choose what’s known as “swinging” over polyamory, which is having more than one sexual partner, without the relationship/love component.

If you’ve been thinking about either option in your partnership, you should know that opening up a relationship that has been “closed” is a complicated task.  You don’t just talk about it once, say “well, glad that’s done”, and be on your merry way to multi-partnered bliss.  No, it’s more like having that talk about sex with your child or children.  You do it, and then he/she grows, and then you talk about it again and…

I do have a great book to recommend on the topic of polyamory, by the way. It’s called The Ethical Slut by Dossie Easton and Janet Hardy.  In it, they talk about the fact that being an ethical slut, which I do recommend over being an unethical slut (ha ha), includes being sensitive about whether or not you are hurting anyone or yourself with your choices, and evaluating and minimizing any risks involved.

A number of questions come up once you broach the subject of opening up a relationship:

* First of all, are both partners really in agreement about this, or is one partner simply going
along with it in order to avoid potentially avoid losing the partner who wants it?  If the latter is the case, are there some milder versions of an open relationship that the less enthusiastic partner really does want also?

*Express to each other why it is something that you do or don’t want to choose.

*If both partners really are in agreement, are you aiming to have a true polyamorous relationship or simply an open one?  In other words, do you have the intention of each loving more than one person, or simply of each having sexual experiences with more than one person (which would be swinging)?

*Depending on what your answer above is, will you agree to be alone with other partners, or will all sexual activities take place while in the same room with each other? Some say that it increases their trust to keep it in the same room, others say they have no desire to see their partner with someone else, although knowing that they are with someone else feels okay to them.

*If you decide things will take place in the same room, how will that work?  Will you simply bring in another couple and swap partners, or will you both be sexually involved with whomever is there?

*How far will you go with the other people in your lives?  Are there limits on that, or do you both agree to go as far as intercourse if you want? Some couples, for example, choose to reserve certain sexual behaviors only for each other.

*How will you protect yourselves from sexually transmitted diseases?  This is up to the both of you, but I do recommend that you use protection in the form or condoms, dental dams, female condoms, etc. with anyone but your primary partner, and that you all agree to get tested before entering into any new sexual relationships, even if protection is being used.  If you get into stable polyamorous relationships, this could be changed down the road depending on safety and agreements.

*Do you trust that your partner will abide by the safety rules that you have set up?  Do you trust that, in the heat of the moment, you will abide by them also?

*If you have sexual encounters without each other being present, what will you share/not share with each other about these?

These are just a few things to get you started.  I am sure that you will come up with your own questions, and that new things will come up as you actually become active with your plan.  Again, opening up a relationship is a process. There is no rule book in the sky about how to proceed.  That can be looked upon as both a blessing and a burden.  But if you proceed with lots of communication, care, and respect, you can end up with a potentially enriched life and relationship.

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You Might be a Polyamorist IF…

Friday, February 3rd, 2012

No, this is not like one of those jokes about rednecks. (“you might be a redneck IF”…).  I’m serious.  Polyamory is a word that was invented in the 90′s to describe the practice of having a romantic relationship with more than one person at a time.  Why would anyone choose to be polyamorous in the first place, and is it something you’d like to pursue yourself?

To give a few ideas, you may want to explore polyamory if:

-Monogamy has always felt unnatural for you.

-You want to be able to act on the deep attractions that come up for other people, not just your partner.

-You want to explore and enjoy your sexuality and your capacity for love to the highest extent possible.

-You believe it is entirely possible for you and your partner to love each other AND love others too.

-You have a fundamental belief in the abundance of love, so you know that when you express love for one, it does not take away love from another.

-You realize that, no matter how much you and your partner get from each other, it’s unlikely you will ever be able to fulfill ALL of each other’s sexual and relationship needs.

-You and your partner love each other and want to continue to be a couple; however there is a very real barrier right now, such as living in different parts of the world or one partner being so ill that sex is not viable.

-You are up for the challenge that being a polyamorist poses, which includes having impeccable communication skills, a willingness to be transparent in all your relationships, and a deep ability to trust.

-You realize that, after all, you don’t need a reason to do something that you want to do that feels good to you (regardless of what society tells you)!

A few thoughts on why you might NOT want to choose an open relationship:

-The truth is, you only want to do it to avoid intimacy.

-You think it will “save” your relationship, which is on the rocks.  While open relationships can and do improve the primary relationship, it is not a cure all that will magically make your relationship issues disappear; in fact, if this is the case it will probably make things worse.

-Your motivation for doing it is that your partner wants to and you fear you will lose her or him if you don’t.

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