Archive for March, 2012

The Habit of Meditation

Friday, March 30th, 2012

Back in my Booty Doctor’s days (the radio show my friend and I used to do for men, regarding their sexuality and relationships), I subscribed to Men’s Journal magazine.  I thought it would give me some good ideas of topics for the show.  Month after month, there was never one article in there about sex. I couldn’t believe it!  I concluded that the magazine owners must be very conservative, and started giving away the magazine each month to my male clients.

This morning I was sitting in my office waiting for a client who was running late.  I picked up the latest copy of Men’s Journal, which I hadn’t even cracked.  I  thought to myself:  “ok, I’ll read the damn magazine, I have nothing else to do.”  (As you can tell, I was a little cranky about the whole situation.)  Much to my delight, I ended up reading a very useful article about the science of creating a habit.

The article talked about someone trying to start a habit of daily jogging, but my mind went directly to meditation.  I’ve talked to hundreds of people who say they’d “like to” start meditating every day, but they never quite get there.  So here’s the pearl in the article:  most people think of a habit as simply a routine, doing the same thing over and over.  The truth is, there are three parts to a habit:  a cue, a routine, and a reward.

Let’s apply the concept to creating a habit of daily meditation, since my strong bias is that it is one of the most beneficial things anyone can do for themselves, and for their relationships, too, for that matter.  You need a cue.  The cue could be as simple as a sticky note that says “meditate” on it attached to your alarm clock or your toothbrush.  That way you will be cued at a certain time each day.  Most people use both of these items in the morning after awakening and in the evening before going to bed.  These are good times to meditate. Now decide which time you will choose to develop your daily habit of meditation.

Only you can decide this.  My personal theory about it is that night owls tend to do best with an evening meditation while early risers with a morning meditation.  Try both, and see which you prefer.  If you are going through a particularly tough time in your life, I recommend you meditate not once but twice a day.  Each meditation can be relatively brief.  Ten or fifteen minutes per session is adequate.

So, the meditation is the habit part.  For more details on how to meditate, see my blog from December 2011 in which I prescribe meditation as the cure for holiday stress.

Now for the reward.  You get to decide what the reward will be.   Eating a piece of chocolate was the suggested reward in the article, and I personally like that one.  If you choose that, just know that chocolate, especially dark chocolate, is practically considered health food these days.  Between the antioxidants and the healthy fat, you can’t go wrong!

If you follow this pattern- cue, habit, reward- soon your brain will start releasing dopamine (the feel-good chemical that the reward gives you) as soon as you see the cue. You form an association, a positive one, between the cue and the reward.  Just like Pavlov’s dogs and the dinner bell.   After a couple of weeks, you can eliminate the reward as the new habit becomes reward enough in and of itself  (but you can still eat chocolate if you want to :) ).

 

What You Focus Your Attention on Grows

Tuesday, March 27th, 2012

It’s sort of like plants.  If you focus your attention on them, giving them plenty of water and sunlight, they will grow.  So will your “problems”.  I put problems in quotation marks because, rather than perceiving them as such, I find it more helpful to think of them as “experiences”.  We did come here to Earth to feel the full range of feelings, and to have a full range of experiences, including those we tend to call problems.  But sometimes we get stuck in that space.  When that happens, it is the ego getting in the way.  Our souls may have desired to have every experience, but not to get stuck in suffering.

I know, it’s the way we think of things in our culture, right?  If someone has a “problem”, they need to focus on it so they can “solve” it.  But what if we spent more time focusing on the things that are going well in our worlds, rather than the things that are going “wrong”?  We would attract more things going well.

Let’s say I have poison ivy.  I have choices.  I can go to the doctor for it, get medicine, use it, and go on with my life knowing that it will resolve itself, not giving an excessive amount of attention to it.  Or I can make my whole life about it.  I can call all my friends and family, complain about it, worry about it getting worse, get and stay angry about having it, and feel sorry for myself. Which do you think is going to make it go away faster?

What I’m really talking about here is the Law of Attraction.  You may have heard of it from the book or movie The Secret, or you may have learned about it from someone you know.  Simply put, it is the universal law that say like attracts like.  So, to use our example again, if I focus my attention and energy around having poison ivy, I am keeping myself in the vibration of having poison ivy, and that will perpetuate having it.  Or, I can raise my vibration by choosing to focus on other things, like perhaps the great weather we are having, or enjoying my work, or the company of a loved one.  Then I will attract more things that will match that vibration.

The next time you find yourself complaining about something, either internally or externally, ask yourself this question:  “do I really want to create more of this in my life?”  If the answer is no, you may want to make a shift and focus instead on what you do want more of!

What do you think?  Do you buy this thing called the Law of Attraction?  Do you think it exists?  Do you think it’s a bunch of hogwash?  I invite you to blog with us and share your own experiences!

One Night Stand S.E.X.

Friday, March 23rd, 2012

Okay, I admit it’s not as scandalous as the title sounds.  But it is a juicy story, so you may want to read on:  Several months ago I did something I rarely do, I went out dancing.  Not that I don’t like to dance- I love it actually, but just don’t seem to get around to it that often.  So a friend and I went out.  It was a nice place with a bar where you could get food and drinks.

We met up with a guy.  A married guy.  And also, I should say, a very ordinary seeming guy at first glance.  He was not particularly good looking, and he was kind of on the short side for a man.  I’m usually more attracted to taller men.  But then something unexpected and wonderful happened.  Over the course of the evening, we talked quite a bit.  Eventually we got out onto the dance floor, but in the meantime, I realized I had a strong attraction to this man.  In many ways.  Intellectually, we were very compatible. We had similar ways of thinking, common interests, and he was extremely funny and charismatic.  All of this added up to my being very sexually attracted to him as well, even though at the beginning of the evening I didn’t feel that way.  (He was there without his wife, needless to say, I think.)

We acknowledged our mutual attraction to each other.  Being free as a bird, I can do whatever I choose with whomever I choose.  I sensed that if I lured him into my den of iniquity he would have come, so to speak.  Ahem.  But then I would have been out of integrity.  And the momentary satisfaction would not be worth it in the end.  I didn’t even seriously consider it, but I did fantasize about it, for a moment or two!  I told him my position on the whole issue.  He kept saying things like:  “It’s not fair.”  I knew what he meant.  I’ve been in lustful situations in which I was probably telling myself the same thing.  But this time, I felt differently about it.  I was content to just enjoy his company and all the delicious feelings that were running through my body.  I was truly being in the moment, savoring every bit of the experience.  I think I knew it would be a one-shot deal with him.

Like I said, we did end up dancing with each other.  And it was amazing.  I remember thinking, the way we were gazing into each other’s eyes the whole time:  people who don’t know us probably think we are a couple in love.  Because in that moment we were in love.   I know it sounds crazy, how could two people who just met be in love?  But what I later realized is that, no, we were not true strangers, as in our souls knew each other before that evening.  Also that the amazing feelings I was experiencing were because we were having S.E.X. (Synergistic Energy Exchange) with each other.  And that being open to S.E.X. rather than always thinking I need to have sex can be an amazing experience.  I was not frustrated at all (okay, maybe a little), I was just thoroughly enjoying each moment.

We parted ways, and have never seen each other again.  I doubt we will.   But I am grateful to him for co-creating that experience with me.  For helping me realize what is possible with S.E.X.  It was incredible.  Heck, I’ve had sex that pales in comparison!

You are Three in One

Tuesday, March 20th, 2012

If you have been paying attention to things, you may have noticed there is something to the number three.   Three is the significant number in the Holy Trinity, for instance.  And it is also the number of parts you have as a human being.  You are three- mind, body, and spirit- in one human being.

Many seem to think that the path to enlightenment is through getting more in touch with the spirit (or soul) part of you.  While it is true that most of us have lost touch to some extent with that part of us, true enlightenment comes from a balance of the three parts.

You chose to come here, to the planet, for a reason, perhaps for several reasons.  It may have to do with your work, for instance, the particular gift you came to bless the population with.  Or it may have to do with a virtue you really wanted to work on, such as patience or forgiveness.  Or perhaps a combination of several things.  Whatever your individual purpose in coming here, you will be best served by finding a balance of mind, body and soul.

I do have some recommendations about how you can best nourish each part of you.   So here goes:

To nourish your mind, use it.  Read something every day.  It doesn’t have to be for a long time.  Be in a constant process of discovery about the world you live in.  Cultivate your natural curiosity, your natural joy in learning.  Engage in discussion with others about what you and they are learning about the world, about yourselves, the way the universe works, and about others.

To nourish your body, take in plenty of healthy, preferably organic food.  Whole grains, fruits, vegetables, some organic meats if you like, and plenty of water.  Get adequate rest.  Most people do not need as much sleep as they have been led to believe.  For most, six hours at night is adequate.  Taking a brief (maybe thirty minute) nap during the day gives your soul a break from being in the body for so long.  When you sleep,  your soul leaves the body.  When your soul is able to leave the body during a nap, it is like taking a shower for your soul; it is  refreshing.  And, exercise.  Yoga is extremely beneficial for both the body and mind.  Walking outside, in nature when possible, is also good.  Resistance does not exist in nature.  Spending time in nature rubs off on you and reduces your own resistance.  I know you have heard most of these things before.  I find that sometimes we can all use a little reminder of how to best love and take care of our bodies. Drifting happens.

And finally, the spirit or soul.  Meditation is probably the most effective way to nourish the soul.  I do recommend doing it every day without fail.  At least once, for a minimum of ten minutes if you can get yourself to sit still for that long.  If not, start with less time and build up.  Most people find that meditation is most beneficial either at dusk or dawn.  Prayer is another way to nourish your soul.  Do it every day.  I will say more about prayer in a future blog.

For now, keep in mind that you are three in one.  Make an effort every day to nourish all three parts of yourself.  The more balanced you become in this way, the better you will feel and the more easily you will be able to accomplish your mission here.  Be well!

S.E.X. Maniacs

Friday, March 16th, 2012

“We’re constantly having sex over here”, our spirit guides said to us one day during channeling.  Wow, what  a bunch of sex maniacs, I thought to myself.  Sounds great.  Wish I were over there!

That was a while ago.  I now realize two things I didn’t know then:

1.  They’re constantly having S.E.X. over there, not sex over there.  As in, Synergistic Energy Exchange, as in two or more working cooperatively together to exchange energy.

2.  We’re constantly having S.E.X. over here too.  As in, we are constantly exchanging energy, whether we know it or not.   And here’s the kicker:  not just with each other, with everything in the Universe- with rocks, with other people, with chairs, with animals, you name it.

You know how our parents always told us to be careful we hung around with?  Well, apparently there was something to that!  If you, like I, want to be more careful about your S.E.X., I have some suggestions below:

For one, choose friends and lovers carefully.  Think to yourself:  do I want to become more like this person?  If the answer is no, then why are you spending time around him or her?

Granted, there are times you may not have a lot of choice in the matter.  If you want to have food in your house, for example, you will probably have to walk into a grocery store on occasion.  So in that case, or when around anyone whose energy is questionable (even the most enlightened person in the world could be having a bad day), there’s something you can do.  Some people call it “bubbling up”.  Put yourself in an energetic bubble of white protective light.  Imagine an egg- shaped white light around you through which only positive energy can penetrate.  You will be protected.  Recreate the bubble as needed, whenever you feel it wearing off or you simply get the impulse to do it.  Trust yourself.  There’s probably a reason for your impulse.

Be very choosy about the stuff around you, now that you know you are literally exchanging energy with it.  How can you evaluate the energetic vibration of things?  Start by rubbing your hands together to activate the chakras, or energy centers, in your hands.  You may have heard of the seven chakras in our bodies.  Well, we actually have hundreds, maybe even thousands of chakras, including those in our hands.  This rubbing of the hands will sensitize them as the chakras open up.  Now hold your hands about six inches above the item you want to feel the vibration of.  Try it with, say, a pile of potato chips and then a pile of organic fruit.  Can you feel the difference in the vibration?  You can do the same with items of clothing, jewelry, anything really.  Choose the items to put in and around your body that have the highest vibrations.

You’ve heard of safe sex. Well, that’s not a bad idea at all.  I would, however, also recommend safe S.E.X.!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

I Said Whaaat?

Tuesday, March 13th, 2012

One day not too long ago I was sitting with a client whom I’ve been seeing for years.  We were talking about crying.  And suddenly I found myself saying something that I didn’t even know was true. (I have this experience sometimes; I believe it is non-physical speaking through, for the highest good of the person I am speaking to at the time.  I do recommend asking for help from your non-physical friends whenever you feel at a loss for words.)  I told her that people can express any of their five core feelings through tears.

Just a little background, researchers have found that there are five basic feelings we all have- fear, anger, sadness, joy, and sexual feelings.  (Yes, sexual feelings are feelings too!) Some researchers say that disgust is a sixth feeling, but since I first learned it as five, I prefer to clump disgust in with fear. All the other feelings we experience are either varying degrees of the five core feelings- for example, I often say that frustration is “anger light”- or combinations of the five core feelings.  A common combination feeling is hurt.  When we experience hurt, it is really feeling sad and angry at the same time.

So, the five core feelings are kind of like the three primary colors.  They are the basic ones, and they can be combined to form different, more complex ones, in various ways.

Back to the experience I was telling you about.  I think I’ve mentioned before, we all know everything already.  Who We Really Are knows it all.  It’s just that here, in this human experience, we forget.  So I guess I temporarily forgot that we can express all of our feelings through our tears.  Until I was telling it to my client.  And it sounded accurate.

Think about it.  Sadness is obvious.  We cry when we’re sad.  Someone dies, we usually cry.  We cry when we’re happy.  Think teenagers at a Beatles concert back in the 60′s.  Ever see those videos of the young girls crying?  Heck. They’re still doing it today.  I know a girl that just cried at a Cody Simpson concert!  We cry when we’re scared.  Well, I do anyway.  And I’ve seen others do it.  And did you ever see someone who cries when they’re mad, or have you done it yourself?  I used to think they were just too afraid to express their anger, but now I realize they are expressing their anger, through tears.  And, yes, even sexual feelings.  I used to know this guy that knew a lot about sex.  That’s a good thing.  We were intimate a few times.  And once when I was having an orgasm, I cried.  I thought it was odd, but he didn’t at all.  He said, “didn’t you ever have an orgasm that made you cry?”  Hmmmm.  I’d like to have more of those!

The next time you feel like crying, and maybe you don’t even know why, I suggest you just let it flow.  Tears are a very effective way to let out all of our feelings, and have other benefits as well.  Did you know your body releases toxins through tears, and also that endorphins (feel-good chemicals) are released in our bodies when we cry?   I say, let the waterworks begin!

 

The Four Clairs

Friday, March 9th, 2012

As promised, today I am going to talk about the “four clairs”.  The four clairs are the four ways that we can receive information from non-physical.  They are:  clairvoyance, claircognizance, clairsentience, and clairaudience.  If you’re not familiar with the four clairs, this may sound far out.  But chances are you have either experienced these things yourself, or know someone who has.

For instance, have you or anyone you know ever had the experience of having a body sensation and knowing something was “wrong”?  One of my good friends has this experience fairly commonly.  When her step-daughter’s mother was in the hospital dying, she felt it in her own body.  She was nowhere in the vicinity of the woman who was dying, and didn’t even have a close bond with her in this lifetime, but she knew when death was impending.   She told her step-daughter to go to the hospital, without delay, and sure enough the woman died shortly thereafter.  That’s a typical example of clairsentience.  It’s that queasy feeling in the stomach, or the chills that can come over your body.  Any physical sensation, really, can be telling you something if you are willing to listen.

Then there’s claircognizance.  That’s the phenomenon of receiving messages through one’s thoughts.  I would say this is the most common way I receive messages, personally.  Of course, we all have thoughts every day all day.  So, how can we tell the difference between our “regular” thoughts and claircognizance?   Sometimes we can’t.   We’re not always going to know.  But in general, there’s usually something different about the quality of these particular thoughts.  For me, I get a sense that they’re coming from somewhere behind me, and the thoughts sort of roll into my head rather quickly.

In clairvoyance, the message comes in the form of an image.  It may be a sort of “in the mind’s eye” kind of image, or it may seem as real as the objects in a room (with a little more fuzziness around them, perhaps).  Personally, for example when I’m healing, I see things in my mind’s eye.  I will often see my hands placed somewhere on the person’s body, which indicates to me where I am being guided to place my hands next.  Others see events from the person’s past happening, or an animal (which can often indicate the person’s totem animal at the time), for instance.

And finally there’s the experience of clairaudience.  That is when people literally hear their messages.  Some people hear their names being called.  Others hear instruction.  One of our meditation group members set the intention to begin hearing.  With continued daily meditation over a period of months, he was able to achieve that.  Others hear from a very young age.  I’m quite sure that some of those that have a natural ability to hear get labeled as mentally ill and put on medication for it.  I understand that many of the saints had the gift of clairaudience.

We all have the ability to cultivate and manifest all four types of receiving messages if we want to.   If  that is your desire, as I said, meditation helps.  So does setting the intention.  As does believing it is possible.  To some, it comes quite easily.   They have cultivated their abilities in past lifetimes and find it fairly easy or even automatic in this lifetime.  Others have to take steps to begin receiving messages.  If you’re in that category (which the majority of us are, including me), it can be a very worthwhile endeavor.  Being connected to non-physical can make life just a bit easier.  We start to have more experiences or synchronicity, of being in the right place at the right time, of being delightfully surprised…and who doesn’t want that?

You Are Never Alone

Tuesday, March 6th, 2012

This is the phrase our spirit guides say to us nearly every time during channeling sessions at our weekly meditation group.  There are several reasons why this is true.

First off, we all have spirit guides.  Spirit guides are as the name sounds.  They are spirits (souls) whose purpose is to guide us throughout our lifetimes.  We each have three.  Other guides may come and go at different points during our lives, but when we make a choice to come here to earth, part of the plan is that these three guides agree to be with us throughout our lifetimes.  As they like to remind us, they are there all the time.  When we are sitting on the toilet. When we are driving to work. When we are having sex.  There is never a time that they are NOT with us.  I realize, this may sound like both good news and bad news to some.  :)

Also, we have angels that are always with us.  Their purpose is to protect us.  You have probably heard the term “guardian angels”.  Well, they truly exist.  Most people have two.  Some people have more.  I have three.  My friend who channels has been a little upset by this.  She asks:  “Why does Maria get to have three angels and I only have two?”  I think she’s getting over it.  Basically, if you have more than two it is, once again, good news and bad news.  The good news is, you have more beings protecting you.  That bad news is, you probably need it (read:  you could be in for a wild ride of a life).

You don’t need a channel to receive help and messages from your guides and angels.  One important way to increase your receptivity is through the regular, daily practice of meditation.  The more you meditate, the more you will become an open channel yourself.   Don’t worry, you won’t start having entities speak through you unless you invite it and it is your intention, but you can get messages in other ways.

Have you ever heard of the “four clairs”?  That is the term for the four primary ways that human beings can receive messages.  Those messages could be from our guides, our angels, our own souls (aka our high selves), ascended masters, our deceased loved ones, and even the Divine itself.  Next time, I will explain more about the four clairs.  In the meantime, in those moments when you feel most alone, remember- it is truly an illusion.  You Are Never Alone.  Isn’t that comforting?

My Space

Friday, March 2nd, 2012

Nah, I don’t mean that popular social networking site.  (I think that’s MySpace anyway.)  I mean MY SPACE; ME.

Let me explain.  Last night I was sitting on my mat at the beginning of yoga class, and my teacher (my favorite yoga instructor whom I loooove) invited us to use our breath to guide us into our yoga practice, to kind of “fall” into our own space.  She said something like:  “what’s going on in the world is not your business, what’s going on in your friends and families’ lives is not your business, what’s going on in your space IS your business”.  And suddenly I felt so glad to be in My Space, to have it be my business.  Tears started pouring down my cheeks and I had the thought:  “I love myself so much.”  I think it was the deepest moment of self-love in my life thus far.

Later in the practice I had a similar experience.  I had just been in Child’s Pose, and as I was coming out of it, I looked at my left forearm.  And you know that unconditional love you can sometimes feel for the body of a loved one, a child or a lover?  I felt that for myself.  I saw the candlelight in the room reflecting off the blond hairs on my arm, I saw it’s familiarity, I saw it’s freckles dotted here and there, and I felt another huge swelling of love for myself.

I’m having the thought that the eyes I saw my arm through in that moment were both my eyes AND God’s eyes. That this was the true experience of what I call Sacred Union in the One Body, the merging with the Divine in one body, mine in this case.

I’m not saying I’ve arrived.  This is the nature of human beings.   Just a couple of weeks ago I was blogging about digging up the roots of the last vestiges of self-loathing in me.  I can’t predict tomorrow.  That’s how it works.  Sometimes it’s one step forward and two steps back.  But I am convinced that taking many many small steps, like the hundreds of times I have consciously chosen to love myself, does work.  And that loving ourselves is not an exercise in conceit but rather an important part of any spiritual journey.  For we cannot have true union with the Divine without loving ourselves first.   And we surely cannot have Sacred Union in the Two Bodies before it’s prerequisite.